A few years ago, I spoke at a women's conference about how to say no and feel good about it. We had a great time interacting and coming up with scenarios. One in particular was the holidays. Dealing with difficult family members and school/office events was at the top of their list. We are beginning the holiday season with Thanksgiving just past us. I thought this would be the perfect time to pass along some of the strategies we discussed at the conference.
So many of us want to make the holidays perfect and please everyone. We do so at the expense of our emotional well-being. The movie Bad Moms Christmas comes to mind whenever I feel the stress of the holidays creeping up. If you haven't seen it, I won't spoil it for you, but the theme is taking Christmas back and making it simplistic and joyful. Who doesn't want that? Although the moms' methods were unconventional, I recommend taking a step back and thinking about how to take the stress out of the holidays so that you and your loved ones can have a pleasant experience. When you're happy, they are happy. Saying no, in a healthy way, is one way to stress less.
Here are two suggestions you can use to make your holidays more pleasant.
You don't need to explain or go into detail about why you are saying no. Instead, get right to the point in a thankful way.
Example: You've been asked to make ten dozen cookies for a holiday party at school or the office party, but you have a full workload besides taking care of personal things at home, and you know you'll be too exhausted to do this. Buying is not an option because funds are tight. There's no need to make an excuse or go into these details with the person who asked you.
Answer: "Thank you for thinking of me, but I'm not available to (insert task here)." If you feel bad about saying no and want to participate next time, you can add, "Please think of me for the next one."
You don't need to apologize if you refuse a request.
Example: You've been asked to do something last minute, and your schedule is packed with shopping, baking, kids' concerts, and parties. Knowing you won't say no, this person knows you're dependable and has done this to you several times. You've promised yourself that you won't rearrange your plans.
Answer: "I'm unavailable." Simple and to the point. This type of person might push back and ask you, "Why not?" You don't owe them an explanation or an apology. This time, say, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I'm unavailable." By doing this, you are setting healthy boundaries. If they get upset or angry, it's their issue, not yours. There's no need to fight or say, "If you hadn't asked me last minute," or "You do this to me every year." Just say no by answering them as suggested above and move on to something else.
There will be extenuating circumstances to the examples above, but eliminating excuses and apologies for why you cannot do something over the holidays will be beneficial for your peace of mind. It won't always be easy, so practice saying no in ways that make you feel good. Here are a few more examples:
"That sounds like so much fun, but I can't participate this time."
"I wish I could, maybe next time."
"Thank you for wanting to include me, but my schedule is full."
"Let's schedule a time to make that happen when we both have the time." This response lets them know your time is just as valuable as theirs.
"I'm not available now, but I will be in a few hours. Does that work for you?" This response allows you to take control of your time and availability. If your availability doesn't work for them, it's okay.
Here are a few things to consider when saying NO
Is saying no beneficial to your family time?
Is saying no beneficial to your time?
Does saying no remove some of the stress you're feeling?
Does saying no allow you to enjoy the holiday season?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, keep saying no.
#justsayno #holiday #enjoyyourholidays #valuable #valueyourself #youmatter #healthyliving #wellness #happylife #stressreduction #holidaystress
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